Maybe For Today
There’s this sinking feeling in my stomach, it swallows you and leaves you doubled over on the floor.
And I know you’ve heard this all before,
but I just can’t quite shut the door,
on this feelings I keep feeling that leave me on the floor.
The world feels so much more and I’m just one little dot, so why not? Why not make it all stop.
The sinking, the falling into despair.
A pit where darkness spreads its shadow everywhere.
I lay in this darkness, holding close to my chest.
I feel a heart but I can’t tell if it’s mine or theirs.
Now I’m scared.
Scared I won’t make it out of here.
Scared that when I do nobody will care.
Not that they won’t care but that I will disappoint them.
No yellow sun.
No yellow canary.
The pit is ever so scary.
I hear their voices calling to me, willing me to get up.
I know they are pushing me but I can’t feel their touch.
But the cracks begin show, I know it’s time to go.
Pushing and pulling me out of this pit, I let them carry me.
Carrying the weight of me.
The surface is so bright, I wear a visor to hide my eyes.
I see them and they see me.
A me they think is me.
I look to see the beauty they see.
The flowers, the trees, the sky, the sun, the yellow canaries.
I am left with a grayscale wasteland.
When they ask me if I’m okay, I smile and say maybe for today I’ll be okay, then they look away.
I try to life the visor but the light is so blinding, it hurts to see what they see trapped in this leaden scene.
I’ll see the flowers, the trees, the sky, the sun, and the yellow canaries.
Maybe for today, please